This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Addison A. Cooke-Murphy. He has been working for E. S. Murphy for over a year. With his work, just like in any interpersonal relationship, dialectical tensions arise. These can be even more common in his professional work setting due to his boss also being his brother, and that is why I chose to interview him. Before the interview, I gave him a quick overview of the theory I am studying (Relational Dialectics Theory) and examples of dialectical tensions that are more typically experienced in work places and also within families.
The Interview: 1. Describe your job / what you do for a living. I am a sub-contractor who specializes in fine carpentry such as bathroom and kitchen remodeling. A. What do you like most about your job? Working in a fun, ever-changing environment B. What do you like least about your job? Inconsistent co-workers 2. What are some of the advantages of working with family? A pre-established connection and a better understanding of each other. I would say that ties in with the old relationship vs. new relationship dialectic.
3. How would you define a friend? A. Would you consider any of your coworkers to also be friends? I’m not quite sure how I would describe a friend. However, I would consider some of my coworkers to be my friends. 4. Have you ever encountered a situation where your relationship with your boss or another coworker caused dialectical tensions with your job duties? Yes.
5. Do you have multiple roles in your job? I do have multiple roles. A. Do these ever conflict? If so, in what ways? I have been Eli’s (my brother’s) right hand man since I started. With the new guy, sometimes I give him advice on what to do since I have more experience than him, but we are technically on the same level. This can cause conflict in that it is a hierarchy issue, and it is novelty vs. predictability with having fairly consistent jobs but not always knowing when I’ll need to be “in charge”. 6. What are some of the differences between your job working for your brother and a traditional job working for strangers or non-family? I have a stronger connection to the people I work with and stronger desire to work. With Eli, there is more openness and less closedness. With a typical job, I would be more closed and less personal with bosses and coworkers
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The video below is a slightly comical video explaining what dialectical tensions are. It mentions a lot of examples such as candor vs. secrecy, autonomy vs. connectedness, and impartiality vs. favoritism. After the seemingly endless list of dialectical tensions, some strategies are offered to aid in navigating these tensions. Awareness (being aware that such tensions naturally exist) and compromise (satisfying each person's need for more or less of each opposing force) are two that stuck out for me. Another important takeaway from the video is that dialectical tensions are not actually bad things or problems within a relationship. They are natural and can be seen as "opportunities for growth".
This video directly correlates to Relational Dialectics Theory because is the theory of these dialectical tensions and their existence within interpersonal relationships. From the video, you, the reader, will be able to learn a larger list of dialectical tensions than the ones I have stated in previous posts, gain new strategies to deal with dialectical tensions, and possibly get a good laugh from the comedy.
Welchlin, K. [Kit Welchlin]. (2017, August 11). Interpersonal Communication: What Are Dialectical Tensions? [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfWvAH9jYKk&feature=youtu.be
Below is a link to an interesting video I found via Facebook. A mother explains the importance of certain dialectics during quarantine. Though she is speaking specifically about Self Determination Theory, this still applies to Relational Dialectics. Two things she mentions are connectedness and autonomy. With children or really anyone, it is crucial to have distraction-free moments to connect (even if for only 10 minutes every couple of hours). On the flip side, autonomy is also vital. We need to not only have time to ourselves but also allow those around us to make their own decisions on what to do throughout the day. Click the link to learn more! https://www.facebook.com/1205892362877577/videos/222397695509087/?vh=e Morton, J. [@ Life Through Little Eyes]. (2020, March 20). Tips for a happy household- connectedness, structure and autonomy. [Facebook Video]. Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/1205892362877577/videos/222397695509087/?vh=e
Training time! Now before anyone leaves my cite or groans at their computer/phone, let me explain. I have linked below two Buzzfeed quizzes. The first one is "What Kind of Romantic Partner Do You Actually Want" by Matthew Perpetua where you slide a dot to answer questions on a scale from Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree. The second quiz is "What Kind Of Lover Are You" by natalietho where you pick one answer per question that are all multiple choice. These quizzes both relate to Relational Dialectics because the type of romantic partner you and your significant other each are can have an affect on your dialectics of openness/closedness, autonomy/predictability, and novelty/predicability. By taking these quizzes, you will learn what kind of romantic partner you are as well as what type of partner you need. For example, in the second quiz, you might learn you are "family material" and that you're a person that loves connectedness and being open with your partner. In the first quiz, you might learn that you need a "romantic type" partner. They'll be someone as loving as you, but they will also be bold and up for adventure. If you are single, these quizzes can guide you in your search for that special someone. If you are in a relationship, try having you and your partner take these quizzes to better understand what you both need from your relationship. Regardless, remember that dialectics are a give and take. So while you might be energetic and adventure driven, and your partner may be a wise and a homebody, you can both balance each other out in order to have a fulfilling relationship. https://www.buzzfeed.com/perpetua/what-kind-of-romantic-partner-do-you-need https://www.buzzfeed.com/natalietho/what-kind-of-lover-are-you-dxpwzd3lit Perpetua, M. (2017, May 15). What Kind Of Romantic Partner Do You Actually Want? Retrieved from https://www.buzzfeed.com/perpetua/what-kind-of-romantic-partner-do-you-need
What Kind Of Lover Are You? (2019, December 7). Retrieved from https://www.buzzfeed.com/natalietho/what-kind-of-lover-are-you-dxpwzd3lit
Below is a TED Talk given by Baba Shiv that is approximately nine minutes long. In his talk, Shiv uses a personal anecdote about his wife being diagnosed with cancer that started out somber and ended on a positive note at the finale of the speech. In between, he speaks about a study he did with two test groups (A and B) to prove his point that "sometimes it's good to give up the driver's seat".
This video relates to Relational Dialectics Theory because with the "push and pull" of aspects in a relationship of any kind, sometimes it is helpful to give up control and let one's friend, colleague, significant other, or whomever take the so-called "driver's seat". By watching this video, you, the viewer and reader of my blog will gain knowledge that is applicable to your relationships and other aspects of daily life.
Shiv, B. (2012, May). Sometimes it's good to give up the driver's seat [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/baba_shiv_sometimes_it_s_good_to_give_up_the_driver_s_seat#t-560244
https://www.facebook.com/relationaldialecticstheory/
https://www.pinterest.com/oliviacaitlin20/sml-2020-wall/ To go along with this website/blog, I have created a Facebook page and a Pinterest board! The Relational Dialectics Theory Facebook page will serve as a platform for me to engage with an audience on Facebook by hosting events such as the "Q&A Session" that was held today at 2p.m. EST, posting occasional updates when I post a blog on this website, and uploading other content related to Relational Dialectics Theory (RDT). The new Pinterest Board SML 2020 Wall now serves as a creative space where I can pin content related to RDT. The content on this platform will be more inspirational such as video clips that show examples of relational dialectics, photos showing how "discourses" in relationships are like a tug-of-war, and much more. If you would like to "like" the Facebook page or "follow" the Pinterest board and "repin" content, click the links above!
Below is a video interview with Leslie Baxter, the co-creator of Relational Dialectics Theory, in which she answers questions about the theory and provides real life examples and applications of Relationship Dialectics.
[A First Look at Communication Theory]. (2014, January 29). Leslie Baxter on Relational Dialectics [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygLrYk7Aj-Y
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